Thrive or Survive?




I don't consider myself a slave to my Mental To-Do List but, like most of us, I certainly have a neverending ongoing one.

With so much going on in my life recently, my usual daily routine seems to have gone out of the window....and some days, due to sheer emotional stress, I have felt barely able to function, accomplishing little if anything at all. I've have been very behind with things I do every day, at home and elsewhere....and I've simply had to let it go and try not to worry about it.

Like many people, I am good at giving advice to others - be kind to yourself, don't beat yourself up, there's always tomorrow - but not so good at following my own words of wisdom.


I worked for quite a few years before I had my children but am now a stay at home mother. When you work in an office it's much easier to quantify what you are achieving (generally, not always...but you know what I mean!).....your in tray gets emptied, projects move along and get finished and you hopefully get promoted at some point.

But being at home of course doesn't work like that. Projects never seem to get finished, it's a job that literally covers every waking moment (and sometimes nightwork too) and there are many days in which you feel you never achieve anything WHATSOEVER!!!
You have to motivate yourself, you have no chance of promotion or bonuses and there is no chance of a duvet day or calling in sick.

Of course, I wouldn't have it any other way and I am where I want to be.
I think it's a hangover from years of working outside the home that is hard to shift - there is a satisfaction of being able to check things off a list that you never quite achieve at home.
I wasn't a list person....and now I am.
Sometimes it's the only way to feel you are Getting Stuff Done.

I read something recently that really resonated with me....it was the idea that some days you thrive and some days you survive.
Maybe because I have a million things going on right now, it was almost a relief to read this....no, there isn't a magic fairy that is going to come in and clean/tidy/wash/cook in my home when I have been away all day and come home too tired to do it all - but actually somehow it will all get done, my children will get to school and it's not really the end of the world.
Just thinking of it in terms of "thrive or survive" gave me a surprising clarity.

Some days you wake up and know that today is the day that everything is going to get crossed off your list and you might even get to the gym too....and other days it's just not going to happen and so really the best thing to do is sit and read a book for an hour or go and have coffee with a friend.
Some day, for whatever reason, are Survival Days....and you just get through them whatever way you can.

And actually, that's okay.

Happy Monday!!


17 comments:

Melissa :

hello gorgeous gal...

i am taking that little bit of wisdom & writing it on my kitchen blackboard, as i do the endless baskets of washing, and occupy others...

being a big list maker...i understand that some days life works and some it doesn't...but it doesn't stop me from writing a very LONG daily, i suppose really unachievable, list....

a coffee with a dear friend seems to bring some balance- even when you think you don't need it...

a book offers an hour of indulgent escape..
.we should embrace both more- particularly on those *survival* days...

thinking of you balancing down there- whilst i balance post holiday family chaos & love up here....

M xxx

Victoria :

So with you on this. I decided to have a 'Done' list, rather than a 'To Do' list. Much more satisfying to see all the little things you have achieved on a daily basis that get forgotten about on a 'To Do' list. Hope you check a few little things off today and feel better for it.

Jane :

Ah, sweet Simone. I hear you, my friend. Quite a bit of surviving going on down here. Looking forward to more thriving once we've moved house. J x

Lonicera :

My take on it is, what's the point? If at this difficult time you try so hard to keep all the plates spinning up in the air you'll lose track of what's important, you'll have no reserves left for the human elements in your life. Nobody will remember that the washing up didn't get done or that the milk ran out. One thing I DO know about you though I've never met you, and that is that you put love first. That's what people remember about you.
Caroline

Metropolitan Mum :

There is not much going on in my life at the moment, but still I feel like being unable to achieve. And it's ok! As stay at home mums, we might not get the satisfaction of having a pay cheque by the end of the months or a promotion by the end of the year. But we have the freedom to make ourselves a nice cup of coffee in the middle of chaos, tuning to Cbeebies and snuggle up with our kids on the sofa. xx

mimi charmante :

Love this post my friend, as I too have days when it feels like nothing is ticked off the list. I like the "thrive vs. survive" thought as it does feel like it is giving you permission to just get through the day and not put pressure on one's self to accomplish a whole lot.
Have a good week - and I will be thinking of you.
xx

Jacqueline :

All that I can say, Simone, is that I'm lucky that I have the genes thaat I was born with.
I have never understood this compulsion in people that they MUST acheive things everyday to feel good about themselves. Please don't think that I'm lazy as, I am busy most days but, I never feel guilty if I sit down and read, even if the house isn't as perfectly pristine as it should be or other things need doing. I think thst life is too short to worry about such things all of the time. The washing always gets done eventually, dinner is prepared and served etc. etc but, the most mportant is to give time to your family and the other things will get done when they get done.....and they always get done .
If you don't acheive anything what's going to happen ? Will you be thought of as a better person for achieving two or three things, or one thing.....or ten things ?
Great when one has a productive day and not to worry when you don't. That's my motto and I'm sticking to it !!!!
Have a lovely week Simone and, put your feet up now and again......I won't tell anyone !!! XXXX

Jacqueline :

Ooops.....my fingers slipped on the keys in a few places......I got so carried away with my comment, I forgot to check it !! XXXX

this free bird :

Simone I feel like you're at my house reading my mail. I could have written this post myself...so glad to feel I'm not alone, but also sorry you're in the boat too. Here's to brighter days ahead.

xoxo,
Carrie

Vanessa@Luxuria :

I used to be so like you Simone. Then one day Hubby said to me, "when you are 95 and sitting in your rocking chair, you are not going to thing about having the cleanest house in the street, and doing everything on your check list. You are going to think of the other things that gave you greatest pleasure (even if at the time the washing wasn't done and the ironing was piling up." It's so true. Try just taking your foot of the gas a little ;-)

LouBoo :

My goodness Simone - I so hear you. I am more survive than thrive for sure at the moment...we are in the same (albeit different) boat. L x

Splenderosa :

Priorities. That sums it up. Don't be down on yourself. It's OK to have a day off. And, you're wrong about one thing: we do get bonuses, we are rewarded. Love you, precious Simone...

Lori :

Some days dear friend I feel like I am just existing ~ it is like a scene out of Groundhog Day! I like your thrive or survive ~ sometimes we just have to say "whatever" and do what we want to do ~ the trick to that is to not feel guilt for doing it. It is a balancing act for sure ~ one I have not gotten down pat! Hugs to you sweet girl ~ wish I could pop in for a spot of tea or a big mug of coffee. xo

Simply Mel {Reverie} :

Simone ~
This is a beautiful post that really speaks to me more than ever. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and these wise words. Being a mother has taught me so much, and one of the greatest lessons is 'letting go' right along with patience.
I also think Jackie should teach a class on her comments alone...oh how we could learn a few things from her.
Bisous,
Melissa

lolly :

I could have easily written this same blog as I am feeling the EXACT same way and agree with everything you've said. It's nice to know that I'm not alone in the thrive vs. survive battle.

Christina @ Fashion's Most Wanted :

Dear Simone, wise words indeed.

Don't feel guilty, it's so hard to keep on top of everything and you've had loads on your plate.

I'm lucky I can have a day in bed here and there. Some days I just can't be bothered and I don't feel guilty if I don't achieve much. Other days I fly around like a lunatic.

And I've had a cleaner for twenty years. My house would be much worse without my magic fairy. It's the one luxury I hope never to have to give up.

I often have a stack of washing. Often I forget to take it out of the machine and it goes in three or four times! Not very green but hey.

Give yourself a break, you do plenty, love, C xx

Tanya :

Have we become the Briget Jones equivalent as mums with our endless list making or is it just that our brains are sometimes mushy and with the constant toddler chatter / clatter we wouldn't remember what it is we were meant to be doing in the first place?! I love my children and they complete me but after an hours high pitched relentless whining at breakfast this morning, i felt utterly drained.

A journalist wrote in magazine article recently that being with a toddler was like being locked in a room with an unpredictable drunk! That being said, we shouldn't give ourselves such a hard time and maybe reward ourselves for those days when we just survive! x

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