Lend Me Your Ear....


where to start?

well, possibly by saying the last few weeks have been bursting at the seams with "stuff"
life, children, surprises, good news, bad news, change, fun, drama, family....
stuff followed by more stuff

i am writing it down in an attempt to organise my mind :)

some horrible things happened. 
to make it worse these things were within my family.
trust was broken. respect destroyed. words said that shouldn't have been said.
accusations & lies. things that i would never put up with from a friend.
irreparable damage.
the kind of situations/events/conversations that you run & re-run at 2am when you wake up thinking about them.

i was surprised. i was hurt. i was sad.
but i was also furious. 
i have way more respect for myself than to ever let myself be treated in that way.

i have distanced myself from the people involved & the situation.
i am certainly wiser and i will - very soon - be stronger.
i remain disappointed though.


what have i learnt?

that i have really amazing girlfriends who don't judge, roll their eyes or back off.
instead they nod their heads, listen & know exactly the right things to say.

that sometimes people just don't want to hear what you have to say. 
even when you (& they) know that you are right.

that sometimes you can talk until you are blue in the face, say the same thing a million different ways - but if someone doesn't want to hear you, then your words fall on deaf ears.

that friends are absolutely the people you choose to have in your life.

that some people do not deserve to be part of your life. even if they are family.

that sometimes the people who treat you the worst are your family.

that bad/mean/selfish/intolerable behaviour is never acceptable and no one deserves to have that in their lives.

that if you wouldn't put up with it from a friend, there is no reason that you need to put up with bad behaviour when it comes from a family member.
people can only behave towards you in the way in which you allow them to behave.

that people don't essentially change and that's okay, you can move on.
leave them where they want to be.

that you can only be responsible for yourself, you are not responsible for others.
their bad behaviour & actions are their fault, not yours.
however much they attempt to blame you. 

that i really hate drama & confrontation!

that sometimes (and with some people) even if you don't get to say the stuff that needs to be said & that you want to say - it's okay.
keep those thoughts in your head, take the high road & hold on really tight to what you know is right. 

that i am very good at packing things/events/actions in a box & putting it to the back of my head - sometimes, it's essential to get it all out, talk it out & leave it right there in the coffee shop.

that sometimes being the "normal" & the "it's-alright-for-you" person in your family is hard work.
it's only "alright for me" because i work hard & live a respectful, considered, considerate life in which thinking of others is essential. not optional.

trust your instincts because generally people do behave in the way you expect them or the way you know they will. 

that actually it's not my job to "fix" you - you're an adult, you fix it.   



 and so i move on. as you have to.

i am still the same person i was before.

i have great clarity about what is right & what is wrong.
wrong is always wrong - there aren't degrees of it.

i believe that when people do bad stuff, deep down somewhere in their hearts they know it and sooner or later, they will admit it to themselves & the regret & remorse will be theirs.
not mine.





there are actually more important things in life & i am a great believer in perspective.

two weeks ago a good friend shared the news that she is fighting breast cancer.
she has four children, two of them the same ages as mine.
she is just two years old than me.
she is brave, strong, determined, inspiring.

my issues of the last month seem like nothing in comparison.
they are nothing in comparison.
her issues are truly life & death stuff.
scary. really scary.



life. it's a real challenge sometimes
thank you for listening.
it's better now.  

22 comments:

  1. This beautifully written post resonated with me more than you could possibly imagine... I've gone through a similar trauma with my family in recent months and I would dearly love to walk away from my parents at the moment. You're completely right that we wouldn't put up with certain treatment from friends so why should we from family - unfortunately mine are frail and my mother is dying and I'm in an impossible position where I just have to put up and shut up... I'm so glad I've discovered your blog x

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  2. I usually peek into your blog but rarely comment...(though LOVE your pins and repin often)

    Just so you know, I've paid a lot of moey to a therapist to learn all that you've said here. I'm sorry for your hurt, I hope each day is better for you.

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  3. Good for you Girl!! Get it all out - it's SO important to let it out sometimes. I can completely relate to this. Sometimes being the 'sensible' and 'sorted' one in the family, brings with it an assumption that we are there to 'fix' everyone. I spent too many years attempting to 'fix' others - sadly I realised that too often it's a one way street and garners little thanks. Life's too short, and I have little people who REALLY depend on me to take care of them. As 'Supernanny' advises - 'Time Out' from those childlike adults who drain you is sometimes the only option!
    Paula x

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  4. So sorry you've been going through all this.
    All my good wishes are yours today.
    xo,
    pamela

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  5. I can relate. and agree 100% - wrong is always wrong. It is so hard to shut off our heads to stop wondering why people are so inconsiderate of others. It is good that you have such great girlfriends to talk to. I don't know if I agree with that people with realize it and feel bad later. I've had situations like this and have they ever came back and explained or admitted to it when you say it right to their face? Nope. It sucks that we have to make a conscious effort to not let it bother us or stop thinking about it and others can't even make a conscious effort to appologize and make things right when they are clearly in the wrong. I hope your family member reads your post and has a nice heart to heart with you.
    Here's to a happier week this week!
    :)
    mikky
    www.todaloos.com

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  6. Beautifully said, Simone! I too, could write a book on this subject, but have chosen to always take the high road as life is far too short! Hugs And love to you and sending prayers and healing thoughts for your friend! xxoo

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  7. a great post. everything happens for a reason. and I am in a situation too in which I have to let go something and go on my way. and it´s the hardest thing I´ve ever done in my life. but I believe that everything is happen for a reason and I believe that life will bring me something better, because I am a good girl and I am strong. So keep your head up - everything is right in the way it is.
    greetings from Germany, geisslein

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  8. I admire your strength, and your sense of self worth, all we can do in this world is be true to yourself and your values. You have very obviously been shocked and disappointed by what has happened, but I love your positive attitude.

    Best Wishes.
    xx

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  9. Every day I check to see if you're back....today you are and I can see why you've chosen to be away.
    Your wise words and images have resonated with me particularly today as I am feeling hurt, once again after nearly 20 years of trying to reconcile a situation that never seems to go away!!! All family related....you are so right...it's often those closest to us who hurt us the most.
    My advice to you and to me today.....you are a good person, honest and true and always have been. Keep believing in yourself...let it go and go with the flow (while shaking your head at others' actions, words and general stupidity!!!)
    BTW I just love your blog and thank goodness you have it to come back to....we are all in the world holding your hand and wishing you well!!!

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  10. Sending smiles and friendship across the ocean to you...use the bad feelings to grow stronger, and live life to its fullest.

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  11. Hi I have never commented on your blog before but today this is perfect. The timing couldn't be better for me to listen to your wise words. I hope you grow stronger and are happier for your choices. Thanks for sharing.

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  12. Oh, Simone I've been there too...I've lost count of the times I've had "it's alright for you" said to me...I've learnt to ignore it and not to let it hurt me anymore. There is an intensity to families that you don't get with friendships...sometimes years pass and things are better again; they were for me...but now, just do what is right for you and makes you happy. Life is a challenge and you sound as though you are dealing with it beautifully.
    Love
    Catherine

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  13. Oh sweet girl ~ sounds like you have had a time of it. I hate drama but confronting the situation is something I need to do for me. I have had strained relations with my brother since March and it seems to be one thing after another. I find I can't even have a normal conversation with him right now because I just want to scream at him and knock his heard against the wall. Instead I remain silent....
    Sending you a big hug and lots of love. xo

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  14. Oh S..so sorry to hear what you've been going through - sometimes family members let us down so badly and it really hurts. But your words are very wise and you seem to go through the same processes that I do over things like this. And as you say regarding your friend - its all about perspective. Much love to you xxx

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  15. Hi Simone,
    So sorry to hear that you are going through conflict and upset in your life at the moment.
    You have summed it up in your blog so beautifully and sensitively, and sometimes just writing it down can give us a little clarity and true sense of whats right and whats not.
    Hope as each day passess, things get sorted and your upset is a little easier to bear.
    Thinking of you, and your good friend too.
    Hope you have a positive week,
    Lizx

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  16. Oh wow yes life certainly can present challenges sometimes, can't it? I'm sorry you're going through it, but it's also wonderful to read this post and recognize how strong you are and that you are able to put grief and anger and frustration in its rightful place. (I'm sure it's easier in words than in reality but still.) Anyway...hope things calm down for you and that you are able to remain focused on all the good stuff of life so you can let go of the rest.

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  17. ...and I've found that the reason behind all this horrible behaviour by people who should know better is usually jealousy or disappointment/unhappiness within themselves. But getting them to admit it is a highway to nowhere, and being understanding is OK for a while, but eventually just leaves you open to further abuse. So if you can, you step back and leave the pain "behind" your eyes when you look at them, and keep your voice neutral. Avoiding them altogether is ideal but not always possible - what else can you do. I just keep saying "I want to be happy" to myself, and become more selfish. You have all my sympathy Simone.
    Caroline

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  18. I've been a follower for a while, and it makes me so sad that you've been treated like this. But I'm also very glad that you're resolved to be treated with respect- you go girl. You deserve to be commended for the courage it took to even write this post. I'm honored you've chosen to share this with all of us, and hope that you feel supported by your online community of fellow bloggers. I often think closure is a gift we give ourselves-it comes from our own hearts and not from the mouths of others. You are so strong and you have all of our support! Keep being wonderful!

    P.S. Good song & reference. Love the Beatles.

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  19. Really sorry to read you are going through such a rough time. I so relate to your post. Over the past 3 years I have had to walk away from one family member after another.

    It can be soul destroying but you need to keep your head held high and not let anyone drag you down in life. Sending you love & hugs. Things will work out xxx

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  20. family can be so difficult and it can be hard to just leave them to it but sometimes it needs to be done.

    and i am sorry to hear about your friend. it is news like that that puts everything into perspective.

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  21. Sim, so sorry to hear you've been hurt. You are such a giving person, that I feel so sad that person in question has caused you such anger and pain. Will e.mail you next week so we can arrange a time to "chew the fat" together.

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  22. Simone I am so sorry....it is so devastating to work through all of your feelings when something like this happens.

    You may or not know that I have been in and our of the hospital the last year for some serious health issues.

    There are so many that have been here for me, from near and far, both family and friends. However there is one family member who did not make time...went on several trips, etc, etc. Is always very very busy.

    I have decided to let her be who she is. After we had a confrontation of sorts, I think guilt (may have ) kicked in. So she has done a couple of things, brought lunch....She won't really change though and that is okay.

    There are so many who do care.

    xoxo
    Karena
    2012 Artist Series
    Art by Karena

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